Frantic F1: Andy’s last moment Holiday gifts

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Frantic F1

Christmas is here as you well know. Now I know most of you will be celebrating the Holidays but for those of you that have presents, drink eat yourselves stupid and then watch the sound of music followed by the great escape for the 400th damn time because TV stations have nothing else to show (could be worse have you seen home alone 4? No? Lucky you) I have decided to do a small section of presents that some F1 folk may enjoy. (Aka it’s another sarcastic article where I take a dig at people that have annoyed me in one form or another.) Right lets go.

Herman Tilke. A Scalextric set.
Easy. Take it out the box put the cars and power pack to one side and then just try different track configurations. Try and try and try until you come up with something that looks good and you can use in the future for a basis of the next track you build. And make sure its just the track you use. Do not get the bridges and the buildings and all the little extras you can get, leave that to someone else. Just the track. Don’t use the excuse that safety is the reason your tracks are not up to the standards fans would like to see. If that is the case every track of the future is doomed to have nice buildings but dull racing. If this is the case all future motorsport is screwed. Merry Christmas.

Fernando Alonso. 4 pack of dummies.
If you believe the press you have been spitting them out for so long you must need some new ones by now.

Rubens Barrichello. Zimmer frame.
It was a “your old joke” or “shut up crying about Michael” style comment. I went for the age thing. Get over it.

Michael Schumacher –Star wars Episode 1 the phantom menace.
This DVD is like your career Michael. It is what happens when someone brings something back that can in no way be better than it was before yet they still go ahead of it and then bring out a load of crap that just sticks two fingers up at the original thing. Though it does shift a load of merchandise.

Bernie Ecclestone- Tazer Gun
Not for use in case anyone attacks you again but just use it on anyone who goes against your wishes. Sometimes playing the political game to get what you want takes way too long and the headlines of “we might not go to circuit X again” only to sign a new multiyear contract 2 weeks later is getting boring.

Mark Webber –Set of Stabilisers.
You should just really stay off the mountain bikes really but if you insist going on them these should help.

Tony Fernandes and Proton – Packet of John Player specials.
Smoke these instead of whatever you have been the past few months that makes you think we really wanted to hear the pair of you bitching at each other.

HRT- Airfix model kit
Its the only thing they will be building in 2011.
Heikki Kovalainen –pack of Sausages
Just in case your Lotus goes up in flames again. Or to remind you of you only stand out moment of 2010. Your car bursting into flames. Which as time goes on will probably be remembered more than your win at Hungary in 2008. How good is that? You putting out a burning car. .A car which was that badly damaged in the end anyway it wasn’t raced again. Wow.

Well im out of presents now. So post your gift ideas for your favourite people in f1 below. Coming up in my next mind melt Top 10 best and worst of 2010.

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