Frantic F1: The 2011 season reviewed

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Frantic F1
The 2010 season over and already thoroughly reviewed by the F1B staff writing my article for this time is tricky. I cannot just go over the same ground and as I missed the dead line for the 2010 season review I have decided to take a different approach. Review the 2011 season.
Now this may be a little trickier as you may have guessed. Simply because I have to decide what to include in a great seasons racing. That and it hasn’t happened yet. But that is a minor technicality and I will now pick out the key points of what happened in 2011.

2011’s Stand out moments.

Fernando Alonso.
After missing out in 2010 Fernando came back more fired up than ever. Alonso’s biggest problem came from Red Bulls RB7 challenger and Vettel. However unlike 2010 Ferrari’s tactical brain was in top gear. Using Ferrari and his own status Alonso managed to get Rob Smedley to radio every driver on the grid that Fernando was faster than them. Whether this was the case or not. Subsequently Fernando managed to win every single race this year in an impressive feat.

Sebastian Vettel.
The young German showed he had lost none of his speed this year and at one stage really looked like he could give Alonso a hard time. That was until Monaco of course. Whilst details remain sketchy paddock rumour has it that while Vettel was celebrating his pole position in Monaco his victory finger some how got caught in an electric pencil sharpener that was left lying around the Monaco pitlane. And then like Samson’s strength in his hair Vettels speed was shredded out of his finger. This can be the only real reason to explain that why after this point Vettel never made the 107% cut off point in qualifying and didn’t race again all season.
This also led to the big talking point for Red Bull in 2011, after the Monaco incident Red Bull banned all pencil sharpeners at the track and factory. This led to Adrain Newey who has drawn every single car he has designed on paper leaving the team in what he called “unworkable conditions” Many people have already written off Red Bulls 2012 season…

Robert Kubica.
Todd can you please Copy and paste everything that was said in every 2010 review about him driving the car to the max and being the star driver future world champion and getting the most out of the Renault etc. pointless writing the same thing twice.
Cheers Andy.

Jenson Button Honoured.
Jenson Button found himself with a tribute towards his driving style thanks to the “Jenson Button smooth razor” by gilllettttttttte. The razor named after him as the 27 blades produce a shave “as smooth as Jensons smooth smooth driving style” To celebrate this Button grew an even longer beard. Gillletttttttte also plan to work with Mclaren in producing a pointless battery version with some really lame claimed link with KERS.

The big Pass.

For the best racing of 2011 you had to look no further than the battle of most prolific passer of the season. This was of course between Lewis Hamilton and Kamui Kobayashi. Lewis who was annoyed that Kamui may steal his “prolific passer” title struck up probably one of the most bizarre deals in F1 history. Both agreed to start every single race from the back of the grid and then see who would make the most passes of the year. can now exclusively give the result here and now. Kamui Kobayashi takes the crown beating Lewis and everyone else in the field over the year with three overtakes to Lewis’s two. The overtaking working group say this shows that the new regulations without the double diffuser do work.

2011 low points

Felipe Massa.
2011 was even tougher for Massa than 2010. After constant rumours about this season being his last for Ferrari Massa real low point came at Singapore. Whilst holding a press conference to state for the 1000th time that he would be staying at Ferrari the penny finally dropped for him when one journalist asked why he chose this time to hold this conference. Slightly confused by such a question he pointed out that Alonso and Ferrari had told him this would be the best time to do it. After a good 10 minutes of laughter one journalist was able to point out that everyone else was on lap 14 of the race whilst Massa sat there. A distressed Massa abruptly left the media who were now having to be given oxygen from laughing so hard only to find out that his car was now being driven by an Italian f3 driver. Not even Rob Smedley saying “stay cool Felipe baby” stopped the impending temper tantrum that is still going on as we speak.

Mark Webber.
With 2009 being what was thought to be Webber’s “last” chance to win the title and 2010 his “last last” chance to win it. 2011 saw his last last last chance also fail. Mark can only hope that in 2012 and his “last last last last no really, honest, scouts honour” chance at taking the title comes true. Rumours that Mark Webber is called “Coulthard” by people in the paddock remain unfounded.

Williams season sadly descended into total disaster. Whilst points in the early races showed promise the team had started denied it now needed pay drivers after letting Hulkenberg go for Maldonado. This became more suspect when in Spain both Maldonado and Barrichello were replaced for Sakon Yamamoto and Richard Branson. Both were thought to be paying for there drives though Branson was banned by the FIA after refusing to change out of his air hostess uniform and into proper racing clothes. When asked why Branson had gone for Williams instead of his own team he gave a mumbled sheepish answer although the words “at least id stand a chance to finish one race” were clearly heard.

Trouble at Interlargos
The Brazilian grand Prix has had its problems with crime when the F1 circus has visited over the years. Past years events were quickly made to look small fry when the teams arrived on the Sunday to race only to discover the track had been stolen. The race did go ahead under the safety car on the soil and rock where the track had once been. Many drivers felt the safety car was not needed and added that it was the least bumpy surface they had raced on at this venue. Bernie Ecclestone stated that this incident would not threaten the future of racing at the circuit. But warned that other circuits would get cut if they do anything at all.

Indian surprise.

2011 saw the first race in India. The track boasted some of the most amazing facilities know to man. With grand hotels top press suites and features including the latest technology that will show guests the race without even having to open their eyes (all yours for just $ All teams and drivers say this is probably the greatest venue they have ever been to. This theme carried on right until first practice when Timo Glocks Virgin sunk right into a bed of gravel. Not because he had made a mistake and spun off. He had only just left the pit lane. Turned out that even though the facilities and press rooms were amazing no one had thought to actually build a track. “It was bound to happen” muttered one F1 insider.

F1’s 2011 Fan Survey.
FOTA bosses launched another fan survey. This did not go as well as planned when every single reply to the survey read “see last year and the year before” FOTA declare the survey a success.

New team on the grid.

USF1 manage to get a two car team on the grid in time for the European season, ah no forget it ive gone to far…

Next week will see Frantic go down the best Christmas presents for drivers tired routine. Frantic also apologises for the lame “faster than you” joke at the beginning of the article.


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