The latest “Secret Life” victim, er participant at the Formula 1 site is none other than future Red Bull driver Sebastien Buemi.*
For now, of course, Buemi is struggling around F1 tracks in the Toro Rosso. After a bit of a slow start, the Swiss driver has shown some more promise in the past few races.
So what drives him? What does he fear? Has he ever dyed his hair? All that and more are answered:
Q: Are you the kind of guy to have a ‘Plan-B’?
Sebastien Buemi: I always go for ‘Plan-A’! Period!
That’s the kind of thinking that will make him a perfect team mate for that other Seb, Sebastian Vettel. Even when Vettel gets the best upgrades, the better chassis, the coolest gifts from the boss, Buemi will still stick to Plan-A — being at Red Bull!
Q: Who do you most look forward to seeing when you arrive in the paddock on a Thursday?
SB: I’m always looking forward to seeing the new parts for my car! The kind of updates that let you find half a second on the track.
Did I miss something? Has he ever found a half-second on the track?
Q: Who is your dream date?
SB: In the professional world I would like to talk to Roger Federer. He is also a Swiss guy, and boy has he been doing well for many years. There are also so many girls I would like to talk to…
Maybe it is impolite to ask, but: Why doesn’t he? The guy’s an F1 driver? If that isn’t all the opening line you need…**
Q: What are you afraid of?
SB: I am afraid of not being able to show my real potential. In Formula One everything goes so quickly. If you don’t have a good car at the right moment you could maybe walk out of the paddock without ever having been able to show your true colours.
Yeah, that seems like a pretty legitimate fear.
Q: What was the last book you read?
SB: To be honest I am not a big reader. I read a lot of magazines. So when I think about the last proper book I read, it was probably a Harry Potter.
So, really, the more complete answer is: First book you ever read? Harry Potter and … whatever the first Harry Potter’s “and” was. Last book you read? Harry Potter and … whatever the last Harry Potter’s “and was. Deathly something? Any books in between? Harry Potter.
No, no, I joke, because…
Q: Who were your childhood heroes?
SB: Michael Schumacher. I read everything about him.
Now, there’s no chance that Buemi has confused Harry Potter and Michael Schumacher, is there? Probably at his tender young age they both seemed pretty “magical.” He must be wondering who the heck this Dumdledore guy driving at Mercedes is.***
Q: Name five things that you hate?
SB: I hate losing and I hate being behind my team mate! You want me to name five things? Gee, that’s a lot… I hate to eat Brussels sprouts. My mum loves them so they are frequently found on our table at home, but I dearly hate them. I don’t like it when people tell me what to do and I hate to get beaten by my brother, when we are playing ping pong for example.
Man, if he’s only said “Quiddich” — whatever that flying Harry Potter polo game is called — I would have had a new favorite driver.
Q: What’s the most embarrassing mistake you’ve ever made?
SB: Oh yes. I can still remember. It was at a sponsorship event at the Paul Ricard track with DC (David Coulthard), Mark (Webber) and Kimi (Raikkonen). We were driving R8 cars and I destroyed mine! At Paul Ricard! Everybody will tell you that with the massive run-off zones at this track it is virtually impossible to destroy a car, but I did it! I came back to the pits very red faced!
And then he added: And I left the pits pretty poor.
Q: What is the best thing you can cook?
SV: I am not really into cooking. The best thing I can cook is meat with broccoli and potatoes.
Note: If, or when, Buemi’s F1 career is over, he can go to work as a cook in either a prison or a elementary school, where “mystery meat” is always the rage. Seriously? “Meat?” He really doesn’t want to specify a little. Beef? Veal? Pork?
And, finally****:
Q: What was your first car?
SB: Oh yes, I remember. It was a Yamaha 50cc motorbike, which my father had bought for me when I was six months old! I still have it.
Swiss driving laws apparently are way more lenient than I’d been led to believe.
* Note: Rumors of Buemi replacing Mark Webber in a few years may be exaggerated.
** Grace, help me out here. Am I missing something?
*** No, I am not going to Google any Harry Potter stuff to get spellings or even names right.
**** Note: I have taken some of these out of order.
