What could make the Indian GP the most awesome ever? Monkeys

I doubt I’ll get my wish, but nevertheless here goes:

I wish there are monkeys involved in the Indian Grand Prix.

Now, before you go thinking I’m crazy, hang on a second. Or should I say, “hold your bananas?” (You’re right, I probably shouldn’t.)

Before I prove I’m not bananas (ah, that one works), remember a post from a few days ago about a bridge collapse at the Commonwealth Games site in New Delhi? How it had raised concerns about the safety of the venue and I wondered, at the time, if the Formula 1 site would get any spill over. Here’s the link and a quick excerpt:

New questions were raised about India’s preparedness for the Commonwealth Games on Tuesday after a footbridge collapsed outside a Games venue, injuring dozens. The accident occurred the same day that visiting officials called athletes’ accommodations “uninhabitable.”

Representatives of the dozens of countries participating in the Commonwealth Games, a quadrennial competition among members of the Commonwealth of Nations, started arriving in Delhi in recent days to look at facilities and conduct security checks. The athletes’ village, built for the Games, is not ready, they say, and questions linger about security after an attack on tourists in Delhi on Sunday.

OK, so my premise is that sporting events in India between now and the grand prix might offer some sort of window on how the race might go and could give us a sense of what challenges organizers face. At least, I hope that’s the case because of this!

Trained monkeys guard athletes at Commonwealth Games
Trained langur monkeys are being deployed by organisers of the Commonwealth Games to prevent wild animals infesting sporting venues in Delhi.

The highly intelligent primates have been patrolling stadiums and accommodation blocks to scare off other wildlife including wild monkeys, dogs and even snakes.

Handlers from miles around the Indian capital have been drafted in to patrol the athletes’ village as the final preparations are made for the games.

Some teams threatened to boycott the competition after complaining that the accommodation was inhabitable and overrun with animals.

One shocked South African competitor even discovered a deadly cobra snake in his room.

Heavy monsoon rains have caused flooding near the Games Village causing many snakes to seek refuge.

Commonwealth Games organisers have also been particularly concerned by the arrival of packs of wild monkeys which have been creating a nuisance around the venues by stealing food and attacking humans.

Langur monkeys are noted for their intelligence but also their aggression and are highly effective in deterring other animals from taking up residence.

The Commonwealth Games are due to get under way at the weekend and will be officially opened by the Prince of Wales.

I’m giving you the whole piece because it’s that awesome.

I mean, think about it. The possibilities are endless. For instance:

  • The obvious one: Monkeys driving the cars.
  • The fact that monkeys couldn’t make worse on-the-scene decisions than the stewards do, right? “We’re giving Michael a 20-second penalty, plus, he must pick the fleas off of us.”
  • Bernie versus a monkey. Who’s taller?
  • Monkeys harassing Nicole.
  • Could the Monkees perform at F1 Live?
  • Monkeys! Just monkeys!

So, with this information, I now ask you the most important question ever posed here at F1B: How do you think monkeys could add to a race weekend?

Note: I’m not implying a certain Hindu Flying Monkey god in anyway be involved, although the new teams could use a little of his prowess about now.

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