There’s nothing left for Vettel now, he should go to Alderaan and learn the ways of the force to become a Jedi like his predecessor, Michael. The Rebellion, in their red cars and incredibly good Italian cuisine, have yet to get their hands on the technical readouts of the Mercedes battle station in order to find, however unlikely, a weakness and exploit it.
Mercedes shouldn’t be too proud of their technological terror and its ability to destroy race strategies because that’s nothing compared to the power of the Tifosi and that’s coming from Darth Wolff himself as he tries to scare us with his sorcerer’s ways.
If you’ve been listening to our podcast over the last few years, you’ll know that I have always played the Star Wars Empire Strikes Back Imperial March theme when discussing Mercedes AMG Petronas. It’s just something that I started doing several years ago because, to me, Mercedes were keen to dissolve the Old Republic and let the regional governors control their systems with fear keeping the locals in line. Fear of the Mercedes battle station.
The black and silver color scheme, domination of the galaxy of Formula 1 and their disdain of Ewoks all combine with their strong-arming Bernie Yoda and Wicket Wystri Todt into some dodgy deals.
It now seems that Darth Wolff doesn’t want people to think of them as the Empire but as Jedi—is he listening to our podcast? Technically Darth Wolff is a Jedi but that’s beside the point. He turned to the dark side even when Obi Won Williams tried to mentor him at Williams. Now he keeps company with Boba Lauda and Grand Moff Zetsche.
The Rebellion will need to tread lightly because getting the technical plans for the Mercedes battle station is not easy. You’ll recall when Mercedes was an emerging power in F1 joined with McLaren, how many Bothans died bringing them the information the Rebellion’s systems. Bothan posed as Kinko’s employees in order to secure those technical readouts and some may have ended up at the bottom of the lake in Woking.
That ended poorly but there was a different leader in the Imperial Senate at the time known as Max Palpatine and he showed no mercy toward McLaren or the Bothans.
I’m not sure if young Jedi Master Vettel will be able to do it alone but with Daniel Solo at Red Bull, a car that that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs, may be able to find a weakness and the bigger question ultimately becomes, is there some good left in Darth Wolff and can he turn away from the dark side like Darth Vader did?
New 2017 regulations, closed engine loopholes and Liberty Media with their new Emperor Carey could shake thing sup a bit but until then, I’ll be in Beggar’s Canyon trying to bullseye womp rats in my T-16.
Yours Truly, Wedge Camber
Hat Tip: BBC
Darth Wolff (thx for link from Don Hinds):